People are sent into our lives to teach us things that we need to learn about ourselves-Mandy Hale

It gets worse before it gets better. Sorry, that’s just how it goes but, it does get better. It really gets hard when your ex-starts tag teaming with others to give you the ultimate emotional beat down. The key is to remember to hold your head high and just keep moving.  I don’t know how many times I had to tell myself to just keep swimming, just keep swimming. I knew if I didn’t I would drown in all my pain and sorrow.

5. Anger

I call this the Wednesday of stages because once you reach this stage then you’re halfway done.  However, this is one of the toughest yet most delicate stages. How you handle yourself during this stage will determine how you will begin again. You can’t stay in this stage too long because it will cause you to become vindictive. Being vindictive does not help anyone especially not you.  As much as you want to lash out you can’t. Trust me, karma’s got your back.

In Past Time, I spoke about being in stage 4. Relapse. The ugly reminders of what I left helped me to resist a relapse. It went all downhill from there.  In My Blood or Yours, I described Mr. Ex’s character attack and my “family’s” so-called support. I was more angry than hurt. Angry that an outsider was able to come in and divide lifelong bonds. Angry that I did not get the same level of support that I gave others so many times before.

I sure wanted to serve some ice cold revenge. Man, it was so hard to resist the temptation especially while feeling under attack. My human natural reaction was to fight back, but my soul said no. It took a lot of self-control, deep reflection and prayer to get me through this stage. I had to keep reminding myself that I am not them so I can’t react like them. My kids were watching me and I refused to give them more grief through any vindictive actions on my part.

6. Initial Acceptance

This stage is the exhale stage. You can stop holding your breath because you have finally realized that it is really over. You are no longer trying to give life to the dead. You are now ready to put precautions in place to seal the deal.  Reaching The Edge was all about me entering this stage.

After all the drama Mr.  Ex caused, I was completely over “us” and my “forever love”.   At that point, whatever it took to put that broken marriage behind me, I was willing to do.  This was not the smartest move for me. Mr.  Ex quickly took my kindness for a weakness.  Things got out of control so, with my kids looking on I had to take control of the situation and put an end to the foolishness. The only way to do that was to sign the papers. So, In Signed, Sealed, Delivered, I did just that.

Always remember that some people in our lives are temporary. They come to teach us lessons about who we are.  When you try to make these temporary people permit, they become a distraction. Starve your distractions and never stop moving forward.  Just keep swimming, just keep swimming.

Your Turn To Reflect

  1. Who other than your ex is fueling the fire behind your pain and why?
  2. What alternative methods do you have to release your anger? What can your anger cost you to lose?
  3. If you have not reached stage 6 yet, what would help you get there? What is your boundary line?

 

Source: Lachmann Psy. D, S. (2014, June 10). The 7 Stages Of Grieving A Break Up. Retrieved from http://www.psychologytoday. 

4 thoughts on “Second Look

  1. When you are going through a breakup, it’s though all of your family and friends are going through it too. No matter how civil and private you are, sometimes, as humans, we all need that outlet. Some of those are genuine, while others are prying eyes. Those same outlets can sometimes cause these biggest interference in your quest for freedom and solidarity.
    At some point, we all just settle whether it be in work, life, relationships whatever. Once you finally get your legs under you and dig out of that situation, you still linger a bit in old, familiar habits. At the end of it all, you are your own champion, voice of reason and cheerleader. It’s okay to feel sad, but don’t let that sadness keep you in a state of isolation and regret. No one person can tell you not to forget what you’ve gone through, but don’t let “you” be the reason you stay in that state of mind either.

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    1. Well said! It is important to have that outlet but, just like you said some people genuinely support while others or simply entertained. It’s up to you to be you biggest support. Just keep swimming…

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  2. What has recently been fueling the fire behind my pain and anger is the inevitable. Sometimes people come in your life and you develop a special bond with them , them leaving never crosses your mind. That was my situation, my best friend for over 20years is passing and there’s not a damn thing I can do about it. It hurts like hell and I was very angry. It wasn’t until I excepted the inevitable that I was able to make peace with it. I was feeling lost with prayer because there wasn’t a prayer that would save her. I had no choice but to accept because I didn’t have the strength to deny it any longer. believe it or not I began to heal, in the midst of the storm the tension, angry and defeated feeling I had began to deminshed. The pain is a longer process, but I’m thankful and cherish the part my best friend has played in my life, even though she will no longer be in my life her imprint will last forever.

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    1. I’m sorry to hear about your friend. I also know this kind of pain all too well. To move forward in life after/during the passing of a loved one, is most certainly a painful process. It’s in this time that we show courage as we grow through the pain. Using your memories of love as a catalyst on which to move forward is the best thing. You may not have her in the physical but, she will continue to travel through life with you. As you said, her imprint will last forever.

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