People are sent into our lives to teach us things that we need to learn about ourselves-Mandy Hale
It gets worse before it gets better. Sorry, that’s just how it goes but, it does get better. It really gets hard when your ex-starts tag teaming with others to give you the ultimate emotional beat down. The key is to remember to hold your head high and just keep moving. I don’t know how many times I had to tell myself to just keep swimming, just keep swimming. I knew if I didn’t I would drown in all my pain and sorrow.
I call this the Wednesday of stages because once you reach this stage then you’re halfway done. However, this is one of the toughest yet most delicate stages. How you handle yourself during this stage will determine how you will begin again. You can’t stay in this stage too long because it will cause you to become vindictive. Being vindictive does not help anyone especially not you. As much as you want to lash out you can’t. Trust me, karma’s got your back.
In Past Time, I spoke about being in stage 4. Relapse. The ugly reminders of what I left helped me to resist a relapse. It went all downhill from there. In My Blood or Yours, I described Mr. Ex’s character attack and my “family’s” so-called support. I was more angry than hurt. Angry that an outsider was able to come in and divide lifelong bonds. Angry that I did not get the same level of support that I gave others so many times before.
I sure wanted to serve some ice cold revenge. Man, it was so hard to resist the temptation especially while feeling under attack. My human natural reaction was to fight back, but my soul said no. It took a lot of self-control, deep reflection and prayer to get me through this stage. I had to keep reminding myself that I am not them so I can’t react like them. My kids were watching me and I refused to give them more grief through any vindictive actions on my part.
6. Initial Acceptance
This stage is the exhale stage. You can stop holding your breath because you have finally realized that it is really over. You are no longer trying to give life to the dead. You are now ready to put precautions in place to seal the deal. Reaching The Edge was all about me entering this stage.
After all the drama Mr. Ex caused, I was completely over “us” and my “forever love”. At that point, whatever it took to put that broken marriage behind me, I was willing to do. This was not the smartest move for me. Mr. Ex quickly took my kindness for a weakness. Things got out of control so, with my kids looking on I had to take control of the situation and put an end to the foolishness. The only way to do that was to sign the papers. So, In Signed, Sealed, Delivered, I did just that.
Always remember that some people in our lives are temporary. They come to teach us lessons about who we are. When you try to make these temporary people permit, they become a distraction. Starve your distractions and never stop moving forward. Just keep swimming, just keep swimming.
Your Turn To Reflect
- Who other than your ex is fueling the fire behind your pain and why?
- What alternative methods do you have to release your anger? What can your anger cost you to lose?
- If you have not reached stage 6 yet, what would help you get there? What is your boundary line?
Source: Lachmann Psy. D, S. (2014, June 10). The 7 Stages Of Grieving A Break Up. Retrieved from http://www.psychologytoday.