– A journey of Letting Go
Strength is removing your kids from a toxic environment not learning to live with it “for the sake of the kids”-unknown
It’s about that time for me to backtrack a little to talk about the most important people to me, the innocent ones. I’m speaking of my boys or as I like to call them, Thing 1 and Thing 2. If I am going to tell my story then I have to tell theirs too. While we were married Thing 1 and Thing 2 were subjected to a lot of unhealthy arguments. Mr. Ex and I had originally agreed many years ago that we would never argue in front of the boys. I think we did a good job of reserving our hurt feelings when the boys were really young. All they ever saw were smiles, laughs, and love. It wasn’t until my oldest was about 10 years old that they began to be exposed to our arguments.
Around this time, Mr. Ex had unexpectedly got his own place and moved out. Although the split was short-lived, it had a great effect on the boys, especially the oldest. He couldn’t even function properly in school due to our constant bickering and the split up. When I was informed by his teacher how my once straight A, upbeat, well-behaved child had changed it absolutely broke my heart. His grades dropped, he became aggressive and at one point couldn’t hold back his tears and had an emotional breakdown in class. If I never had any reason to try again with Mr. Ex this was it. Thing 1 and thing 2.
After Mr. Ex and I reunited we tried. That’s all I can say is that we tried but, the feelings got more intense and so did the arguments. It got to the point that we were arguing every day. We didn’t have to tell the boys that we were going to split they could feel it in the air. They seemed to just be waiting on the ball to drop.
The day I left Mr. Ex I left while the boys were in school. I had a relative to pick them up from school. Then I had the daunting task of explaining to them that we were not going back home and I was leaving their father. The tears flowed from them and it made the tears flow from me. It was so painful to see them hurt but, worse to expose them to our hurtful exchange every day. Then that night I awoke to hear my youngest sobbing. I crawled in bed with him and held him all night. The next morning I immediately called and scheduled counseling sessions for my boys with the school social worker. I also went and bought notebooks for them to keep a journal.
This turned out to be one of the best things I could’ve ever done for my boys. I made sure my boys spoke to them twice a week and every time a big change came about. When I had the restraining order put in place the social worker was very helpful in explaining the necessity of it. The sessions helped the boys get things off their chest that they did not want to tell me or their dad. It also helped them express their feelings to us. Now instead of being casualties of war, the innocent ones were empowered to be the true victors.