–  A journey of Letting Go

I don’t feel guilty in having pleasure-Paula Radcliffe

 So, I pretty much knew right away that the young guy was not for me. He immediately began to blow my phone up. While I liked the attention, I definitely didn’t need that much. The older man, on the other hand, was much different. His approach was smooth like jazz and a warm cup of coffee.

We shared pleasant, mature phone conversations. From time to time he would come into the store I worked at and pretend to be interested in making a purchase. He would come to the glass cases I worked at and ask to look at one of the cased items. Then while fumbling around with the item, he would ask me about my day and give me soft, sweet smiles. I had never been involved with a man so much older than me but, he was so endearing it made me want to give it a try.

At the same time, my children were doing loads better by having someone outside of the family to talk to. I stayed on top of their sessions and was happy to hear that their grades were still in great condition. I even began to see their bright smiles and lively personalities return. This meant the world to me. To make sure this progress lasted, I was extra careful to not let Thing 1 and Thing 2 find out about my jazzman.

Meanwhile, I was still dealing with the woes of my pending divorce. Being a great paralegal afforded me the opportunity to work with some great attorneys. I was able to hire a past colleague that was willing to work with me on a payment schedule. I wanted things done as quickly as possible so, I requested that my attorney contact Mr. Ex’s attorney to see what we could work out prior to our preliminary hearing.

My main goal was to get the children back into a regular visitation rotation with their dad. At first that appeared to be his goal as well. We agreed upon a conduit and neutral pick up/drop off location. The last step was for Mr. Ex’s attorney to draw up the necessary agreement forms along with answering the interrogatories for the hearing. We seemed to be making real progress. Then they suddenly stopped responding. Our court hearing was still weeks away but, the sudden halt in communication was disheartening, to say the least.

Without a doubt this affected my mood. My jazz man picked up on it right away. Without exposing too much, I confided in him about the stress of the divorce communications. His words of comfort and reassurance sang my blues away. Pretty soon I was smiling and feeling all giddy again.

I was enjoying my conversations so much with my jazz man that feelings of guilt started to creep into my mind. Was I allowed to feel this pleasure in the midst of a divorce?  Should I allow these warm feelings of forget me nots to continue? This certainly wasn’t the friendship that I was looking for. Nevertheless, I decided to indulge in my guilty pleasure. After all, mama’s got to have a life too right?

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s