Pain is real but, so is hope-unknown

 A little push in the right direction can take you a long way. As a matter of fact, it can get you going just where you need to be headed and that is to hope. Hope is that feeling and belief that rekindles the fire for life within you. It’s also the seventh and final stage of grieving.

Stage 7: Redirected Hope

 At some point, you have to let yourself know that it is okay to move on. By moving on I don’t mean to jump in the next available relationship. Moving on can be as simple as to stop grieving the last relationship. Redirect the hope of reigniting an old flame. Use that hope to light the flame to a new set of goals and endeavors or refocus on some other things of importance to you.

The social worker at my children’s school helped my children with this stage. Whether we know it or not, children also grieve the end of their parent’s relationship. In The Innocent Ones, I spoke of the hurt and pain that my children carried with them after my separation from Mr. Ex. Their regular meetings with the social worker helped to redirect their hopes of their parents reuniting. Instead, they slowly began to refocus on the things that were important to them. School, basketball, band, and friends began to regain their place as a priority in their lives. They became kids again with kid problems.

I knew I was approaching the stage of redirected hope when I began to entertain the idea of having Friendly Options. If you redirect your hope into pursuing a new relationship, do so with caution. Allow yourself to explore new options other than your “type”. Take your time and don’t let anyone (including yourself) rush you into anything serious. Remember, just because you’re exploring doesn’t mean you have completely moved on.

In Guilty Pleasure, I had to deal with one final task. The guilt. I had to let myself off the hook. I had to give myself permission to enjoy life and pleasant company again.  How could I say I moved on and still feel guilty about conversations? It was like I was holding my hope hostage to the bonds of a marriage that no longer existed. Once I allowed myself the pleasure of conversation I began to refocus on other things of importance to me like my career. I  redirected my hope back to my first love, law,  and discovered new talents along the way. I finally began to see the hope of another day.

Your turn to reflect

  1. Is there anyone other than you or your ex that has displaced hopes of you reuniting?
  2. What are some things that you have not focused on in a while that you now have time to refocus on?
  3. If you have not reached stage 7 yet, what could be that little push that could help you redirect your hope?

 

Source: Lachmann Psy. D, S. (2014, June 10). The 7 Stages Of Grieving A Break Up. Retrieved from http://www.psychologytoday. 

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