-A Journey Of Acceptance

We were born and joined by blood, but we chose to be joined by love-unknown

Over the next few years my brother and I continued to grow closer. We talked more, and he visited more often. I even got to attend his High School graduation in his hometown. Although we stayed in constant contact, he still felt really far away. So, after discussing it with Mr. Ex, I invited Eric to come live with us. Now at this time, I was 25 and my boys were 5 and 3. We had a 2-bedroom section-eight apartment, Mr. Ex was the only one working, I was attending school fulltime for my A.A.S and we were receiving food stamps. Nope, none of that stopped me from opening my doors. Prior to that, Mr. Ex and I had opened our doors 8 times before that to various family members on both sides of our family. We were able to pull together for them so of course we could pull together for him. 

My boys were super excited to have him there. To them, it was like having a 23-year-old kid to play with. He would pick my oldest up from kindergarten and on the way home while showing him cool tricks and flips that he could do. Eventually he had the boys thinking he was Spiderman because he could flip off a tree. Eric is also a really great dancer so, he would have the boys bobbing around the living room thinking they could dance like him. 

Eric got along beautifully with Mr. Ex. Since they both are pretty laid back and easy-going guys, I never worried about them fighting. Eric also got a chance to meet my closest friends (at that time) and build relationships with his cousins on our Dad’s side. Most importantly, Eric and I got closer than ever before. We spent so many days having long conversations and nights staying up late just talking you know, just doing what siblings do. We talked about everything. With all that talking you know it was bound to come up. The unspoken words about our mothers. 

At 25 years of age, yes, I still considered his mother Glenn, the enemy (I hadn’t reached the point of full understanding just yet). Since Eric moved in, it was kind of hard to ignore her. She would tell Eric to tell us hello (still my enemy), send gifts for Christmas (still my enemy) and even asked to come visit Eric; To which I replied, “Sure, when I’m not home.” (STILL MY ENEMY!). It was pretty obvious that I didn’t care for Glenn and I never tried to hide it. However, out of love for my brother, I was never disrespectful or rude (at least not to his face, okay except for that one time when I was 15). So, during one of our longs talks it finally came up. I’m surprised it didn’t happen sooner but, when it did happen, I thought I could handle it. 

I don’t quite remember how it came up but, once the conversation started, I just assumed that Eric would concede to the fact that his mother was wrong. Nope, that was not how he felt or what he said. Different households, different mothers, different stories. According to him, his mother was the innocent party and she had to move out of town due to harassment. The icing on the cake was when he said our father loved his mother more than my mother and Spring. Instant attack mode was triggered.  So, imagine for a moment, if you will, me turning into a red version of the Incredible Hulk. Yeah, it was something like that when I exploded. I was enraged and all I could see was red.

 “Lies! All Lies! Nope that’s not what happened at all!” I argued. How dare he sit in my face and slander my mother. My mother was the WIFE and she lost her LIFE behind my Dad and Glenn’s foolery.   It was obvious to me that my mother and what she went through was left out of Glenn’s story so, I felt the need to enlighten him. I told her story and all that I knew about Glenn’s role in it including the harassing phone calls. I even told him about the day she committed suicide. Then I went in for the kill, I told Eric that Dad never loved his mother that is why she was the only one he never married. 

Yep that was cold and mean just like I meant for it to be but, instantly I regretted what I said. He was not my enemy. I didn’t want to hurt him but, I also didn’t want to hear Glenn’s side. I didn’t want to acknowledge, accept or understand. In that moment, I felt that whatever negative impact that this situation had on his mother’s life was well deserved. After all, it was nothing compared to what my sister and I had endured. Praying for a mother to come save me that could never come. Images of what it would be like to have her in my life keeping me up at night. Waking up every day to the reality that she was no more. So what Glenn had to move out of town and raise her first child all alone! So what Eric didn’t have his Dad around, hell, join the club, all of his kids felt that way! At least she got to raise her child and he was only down 1 parent while I was down 2. It wasn’t fair!

Now instead of just me being hurt, he was too but, that was not what I wanted. I just wanted to protect and defend my mother’s honor as she was the only one that could not tell her side. So, as her daughter, I felt as though I had to. I had to fight those battles on her behalf. I had to give her a voice. In that moment we had to make a choice. To agree to disagree and remain respectful of each other or defend our parent and deny our sibling bond.

Years later Eric still comes to town and show the boys some dance moves. He was there for me through my divorce. From time to time, we even still have those long conversations.  See because no one left with hurt feelings that day. We said what we said and left it right there in that moment. After all, that’s what siblings do.

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